Winter Is Coming and It's Going to Be Awful, Warns Farmers' Almanac

Sick and tired of bitterly cold winters filled with snow? It's probably best you don't look at what the Farmers' Almanac is predicting for the coming months. (Photo: vvvita/Shutterstock)

Hot on the heels of the Old Farmer's Almanac predicting a "warm and wet" winter for much of the United States, the completely different, but confusingly similarly-named Farmers' Almanac is warning Americans to dig in and prepare for the opposite.

That's right folks, we've got ourselves a good old-fashioned battle of the almanacs!

According to Caleb Weatherbee and the team at the Farmers' Almanac, the coming 2018-2019 winter looks very much like last year's brutal forecast — but with even more snow, wind and bone-numbing cold.

"Contrary to the stories storming the web, our time-tested, long-range formula is pointing toward a very long, cold, and snow-filled winter," writes editor Peter Geiger. "We stand by our forecast and formula, which accurately predicted the many storms last winter, as well as this summer's steamy, hot conditions."

The Farmers' Almanac has described the 2018-2019 winter as: 'Shake, Shiver, & Chatter.'
The Farmers' Almanac has described the 2018-2019 winter as: 'Shake, Shiver, & Chatter.'. (Photo: Farmers' Almanac)

Unique formulas, different conclusions

So what is it about the Farmers' Almanac formula that lead them to have a much frostier outlook on this year's weather? Whereas the Old Farmer's Almanac's "secret" formula is based on solar activity, prevailing weather patterns and meteorology, the Farmers' Almanac crew rely on "sunspot activity, tidal action, planetary position, and other top secret mathematical and astronomical formulas."

In other words, say meteorologists across the country, take any of their predictions with a giant grain of salt.

Gazing into the meteorological crystal ball

So what are true meteorologists saying about the coming winter? Most tend to stay away from prognosticating too far into the future, with the standard line being that forecasts are only truly somewhat accurate as far as 10 days in advance. Nonetheless, the National Weather Service released what's called a "Prognostic Discussion" on Aug. 16 that predicted a milder than usual winter for much of the U.S.

Unlike the almanacs, this forecast doesn't take into account sunspots, planetary alignments, or other secret formulas locked in vaults and is instead based on recorded weather conditions during the most recent three complete decades (1982-2010). Furthermore, because weather is constantly shifting, the NWS upgrades its long-term forecast each month, with the next update due on Sept. 20.

So how should you prepare based on the above? Without a doubt, regardless of it's slightly warmer or more wet than snowy or just the opposite, winter is not planning on skipping the U.S. this year. Our advice is to not worry about the future and get out and enjoy what sunshine, warmth, and color lies beyond your computer screen today. We'll all have plenty of time later, coping with shorter days, longer nights and grey skies, to complain about who was right or wrong about the weather to come.