Just What We Needed Dept.: The Happy Hot Dog Man

Weiners are getting altogether too much exposure these days, but we can't pass up this opportunity to complain about another of what the Unclutterer dubbed Unitaskers- tools or devices that do only one thing and clog up your drawers and cupboards. And what a stupid unitasker the Happy Hot Dog Man is.

In the first place, hot dogs are disgusting compositions of mechanically separated pig and cow by-products and filler and fat and salt, preserved by colon-cancer causing nitrites and shaped exactly the right size to cause 17% of food asphyxiations.

Then the kids take the Happy Hot Dog Man and turn them into little man-shapes, decorate them with their little unwashed hands and then practice cannibalism on them. It is disgusting from start to finish, a new poster child for vegetarianism.

But wait, there's more!


It's not enough that you get to clog your drawer with two, count'em, two Happy Hot Dog Men, but you get a Ketchup Kritter to vomit blood and a Mustard Monster to excrete yellow stuff from its nose. (My daughter called them awesome, forget the rest!) As they say, from boring to soaring! Really this stuff shouldn't stop at home, it should go straight to the Great Pacific Gyre where it will end up after one use anyways.

New York Times food writer Mark Bittman has noted that the only things you need in a kitchen are "A stove, a sink, a refrigerator, some pots and pans, a knife and some serving spoons." Clearly he never heard of the Happy Hot Dog Man.
More useless crap for your kitchen:
Just What We Needed Dept: More Useless Kitchen Accessories and NSFW Yet
Just What We Needed Dept: The EZCracker
Just What We Needed Dept.: The Motorized Ice Cream Cone
Just What We Needed Dept.: Seven Things You Don't Want for Christmas

And if you are really a glutton for punishment, check out the Octodog!

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