News Treehugger Voices Elon Musk Unveils the First Boring Company Tunnel Under Los Angeles By Lloyd Alter Lloyd Alter Facebook Twitter Design Editor University of Toronto Lloyd Alter is Design Editor for Treehugger and teaches Sustainable Design at Ryerson University in Toronto. Learn about our editorial process Updated December 21, 2018 This story is part of Treehugger's news archive. Learn more about our news archiving process or read our latest news. Share Twitter Pinterest Email ©. Robyn Beck-Pool/Getty Images News Environment Business & Policy Science Animals Home & Design Current Events Treehugger Voices News Archive Like a character from Shakespeare, Elon Musk is larger than life, so here's a look at his tunnel in iambic pentameter. People underestimate Elon Musk at their peril; he has accomplished amazing things. From rockets to electric cars to flamethrowers, he has changed the world. And unlike normal people, when he gets stuck in traffic, he doesn't sit and swear or look at his giant TV dashboard or get a bike – he has bigger visions. Voilà: The Boring Company, which just unveiled its first tunnel. He said at the launch: “Traffic is soul-destroying. It’s like acid on the soul.” Previously he had noted: © Robyn Beck-Pool/Getty ImagesTo solve the problem of soul-destroying traffic, roads must go 3D, which means either flying cars or tunnels. Unlike flying cars, tunnels are weatherproof, out of sight and won't fall on your head. A large network of road tunnels many levels deep would fix congestion in any city, no matter how large it grew (just keep adding levels). The key to making this work is increasing tunneling speed and dropping costs by a factor of 10 or more – this is the goal of The Boring Company. Musk has dropped the cost of tunnelling primarily by dropping the diameter of the tunnel to slightly larger than the width of his car. In the latest iteration, he has even dropped the "skate" that the car sat on in favour of retractible curb guide wheels like those used on buses. This makes a lot of sense, given that his electric cars have the motors and brains to drive themselves, and it takes up less space. © Robyn Beck-Pool/Getty Images But it does limit the market to smart electric cars that have been outfitted with guide wheels, which will add weight and cost to the cars. And that's a pretty small market. Laura Nelson of the Los Angeles Times says the ride was a bit bumpy. Musk explains: “We kind of ran out of time,” Musk said, attributing the rough ride to problems with a paving machine. “The bumpiness will not be there down the road. It will be as smooth as glass. This is just a prototype. That’s why it's just a little rough around the edges.” Musk acknowledges that there are other people who do not own Teslas who need to get around, but his solution for them is not realistic; he would need a lot of cars to make a difference. There are many people who think that the whole idea is silly, and that it doesn't scale. There are so many problems, from the traffic jams to get on and off, the tiny capacity, the reliance on private vehicles that might run out of juice and clog the whole thing up. One critic is transportation consultant Jarrett Walker, who got into a spat with Musk a year ago, which we covered on TreeHugger earlier. Another is playwright Joe Bagel, who tells Cult#MTL: Elon called Jarrett an “idiot” and brought up dirt about Jarrett having gotten a PhD in Shakespeare Studies before he became a transit expert. Low blow! Such a jackass! So what better way to respond to Elon’s anti-Shakespeare tweet than a 17,000-word clapback in iambic pentameter? © Diving Bell Social Club Which is how we got Trapped in Elon's Mansion, which recently premiered in Montreal. Act 1.0.2 discusses the Boring Company, tunnels, and Jarrett Walker, which we publish portions of with permission from the author. First, the Mayor of Los Angeles introduces our hero Musk: Tonight ’tis my duty—nay, privilege,Honour, blessing—nay, nay, benedictusTo introduce to you, my city’s yawns,L.A.’s celibated entrepreneur,Maverick, mover, shaker, guru, tweeter,Engineer, icon, designer, rock star,A “disruptor” in not only one field,Like pizza directions, or rocket ships,Email bank transfers, or polar sandals,Or near-cypersonic vacuum car pods,Or an underground car conveyor belt,Or the cheapest-seeming car belt tunnels,Or the first long-range electric sports cart—Not Musk! He has disrespected them all! Musk explains why he hates being stuck in traffic. Fie! Fie! On with it! For time is like oil:Our reserves are finite, we think it cheapThen we awake, one day, cloaked in its fumesChoking back its fetid blackfoot’s breath.Citizens of Los Angeles! Hear ye:Tonight I beseech you to help me buildA gold ring to band our city’s jewels.Why? As getting around Los AngelesFeels, on good days, like Dante’s seventh rung.And a bad day? An eight-deep inferno. Musk then tells how he would solve the problem: Thousands of tunnels, bored below our feetSuch will make L.A.’s underground repleteTunnels, tunnels, tunnels, all the way downEastward, westward, northward, and south-veeringWith my boring machines we’ll make a clearingWe’ll spare the spades of yore, their bright-edged bladesAnd bore down deep beneath each beach and glade.Imagine thus: your car, but down a shaftInto a car pod, shuttled like a raftOn a great car-conveying skate, hands-free,Zipped from point to any point, a-to-b,And since our pods will be robotic-steeredThere’s no risk of catching one from the rear. But Jarrett Walker notes that these tunnels are a bit elitist. I leave the rest to the playwright: Mr. Musk: what improvement seekest thee?Is it an abatement of our traffic?Or is it merely a thinning of thine?For at a first glance of this proposal,(And I admit, it was a nauseous one),I saw naught within extraordinarySave the marketing slickness of thine brand. ELON MUSKChill that tongue, cow, lest I brand it myself! JARRETT WALKERI would rather thou bore my mooing cheeksAnd then brand my grass-fed tongue to cindersThan stamp my brand on thine boring blueprintsFor a second asshole’s punctured purpose. ELON MUSKHe makes an ingrate of the ungulates! JARRETT WALKERIf only, and I would be most grateful.Call me a hippo, a cow, a camel,It doesn’t warp the math of bulbous truth—Elephants do not fit in a wineglassJust as L.A.’s space-wracked metropolisHas no room for personal parking spotsFor single-occupant automobiles,Nor will another car-bridge or -tunnelAmend this-here city’s traffic deathtrap.Public transit, not tunnels, are the way! ELON MUSKGo on, wiggling Walker, tell us more!I am transportation’s visionary,Thou wouldst rather me ride a dirty bus. JARRETT WALKERA bus can be tidied, but not math, man.For one subway tunnel’s capacityL.A. would need a thousand thine bore holes. Thou’d do well to recall what Plato said—Inscribed on his Academy’s entrance:“Let no one ignorant of geometry enter.” ELON MUSKHe knows his “Plato”: it packs his bellyIf only engines could burn its jellyThen we’d have no need for a powertrain! Forget Tesla. Let’s all ride... what’s his name. JARRETT WALKERThe tunnels thou proposes are fancifulYet fancy’s the only thing they’re full of.Never before has the phrase “mass transit”Been wasted on cars so sparsely ridden.Couple-person car pods? Is air thine mass?Buses and trains can fit a hundred-plus.Thou art short on pros—but long on the cons. © Robyn Beck-Pool/Getty Images