That whole sustainable, comfortable, and high-speed transportation thing was overrated anyway. Who needs high-speed rail? See, as the Onion proposes above, all we have to do is paint over the shoulder lanes on our highways, turn them into 'high speed bus corridors' and voila! Cheap, fast transportation. Also, everyday commutes become exhilarating death races. Sure, the story's hilarious, but remember that it's not so far from reality (okay, except for the out-of-control high-speed buses).
Also, that's a 2 for 2 on green stuff for the Onion over the last week -- Its headline story Report: Global Warming Issue From 2 Or 3 Years Ago May Still Be Problem was pretty great (and dead-on) too.
More on High Speed Rail
Is High Speed Rail Coming to a City Near You? A Guide to Obama's Plans
Fate of High Speed Rail Uncertain after Election
China's High Speed Rail Will Leave U.S. in the Dust
More of the Onion Skewering Green
The Onion's "Obligatory Green Issue"
How Carbon Offsets Really Work: The Onion