From my inbox: 7 ways to celebrate Earth Day that I wish were jokes

shoe box
CC BY 2.0 "How can I recycle this?" on Wikimedia

For many writers of lifestyle-related stories, product PR-pitches reach their peak prior to the holiday season, when many an agency hopes to get their clients included in gift guides. But for me, I see another rather unfortunate spike leading up to Earth Day.

It’s not that all of these products are bad. After all, our readers do care about eco-friendly products. It’s that the whole idea misses the point. For many environmentalists, Earth Day is not about stuff or an occasion to shop. It’s a day to spend in nature, to dedicate to helping nature (like planting trees or participating in a beach cleanup), or to publicly demonstrate and raise awareness about environmental issues. It’s about the opposite of consumerism.

Don’t worry, PR professionals, I’m not naming names or bashing brands. But all of the suggestions below are real pitches that I personally have received this year. I’m way too earnest to make this stuff up.

1. Buy natural makeup!

Because obviously, if you love the Earth you’ll want to look your best on Earth Day, which definitely does not mean letting your wrinkles or the shadows under your eyes show. Also, it looks like you could really use some organic neck elixir, too, it’s only $75 for one ounce (yes, really).

2. Go to the spa!

Actually, you know what? Makeup isn’t going to cut it. To really look your best for Earth Day, you’re going to need a whole day of spa treatment in wine country at a certified green facility. Book now for the week of Earth Day, and get a complementary container of soil.

3. Buy shoes!

There are lots of shoe options to buy on Earth Day. You can have your pick between all-vegan sandals made out of recycled plastic or handmade traditional leather tanned shoes with vegetable dyes. That way, you can literally and metaphorically impact your carbon footprint.

4. Buy a cell phone case!

Celebrities are using these eco-friendly cell phone cases made from grass and bamboo, you should obviously get rid of whatever is on your phone now for this one.

5. Eat a 7-course raw dinner!

Saving energy is great, but that’s taking things a bit far. I’m not really a raw venison kind of person myself. Also, I regret to inform you that whatever carbon emissions you saved by turning off the oven are totally negated by pairing this meal with wine from half way around the world, unless you just forgot to mentioned they were imported on a solar powered boat.

6. Buy organic snacks! And bottled organic beverages!

Sure, we all need a snack, and it’s nice to have organic options…but that single serving vegan kid’s snack comes embalmed in so much utterly un-recyclable plastic. If it’s organic, you don’t need to tell also me it’s GMO-free, that’s redundant. You don’t need to tell me it’s “all natural” either, because we both know that means nothing.

7. Buy organic tea for your coffee pod machine…

Are…you serious? We write about our distaste for coffee pod machines like once a month. I know you’re saying THIS container is made with recyclable (plastic?) material, but, but, but, tea should go in the compost! Where I can moisten it with with my tears to help it decompose faster.

Finally, a special shout out to everyone whose pitch included the observation that “every day must be like Earth Day at TreeHugger.”

From my inbox: 7 ways to celebrate Earth Day that I wish were jokes
I’m way too earnest to make this stuff up.

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