Aaand for our dose of Friday afternoon snark, we turn to a source where we might least expect biting sarcasm: from a sitting US Congressman. Yes, in response to the GOP's headlong legislative assault on science itself -- an effort to overturn a scientific finding they and their corporate backers find inconvenient -- the Massachusetts Representative lobbed a funny, eloquent retort their way.The humor, of course, is derived from the fact that a group of self-interested politicians are asserting that they know better than the exhaustive work of thousands of scientists, who have arrived at the near-universally agreed upon conclusion that manmade emissions are causing global temperatures to rise.
Brad Johnson has the transcript:
"Mr. Chairman, I rise in opposition to a bill that overturns the scientific finding that pollution is harming our people and our planet.
However, I won't physically rise, because I'm worried that Republicans will overturn the law of gravity, sending us floating about the room.
I won't call for the sunlight of additional hearings, for fear that Republicans might excommunicate the finding that the Earth revolves around the sun.
Instead, I'll embody Newton's third law of motion and be an equal and opposing force against this attack on science and on laws that will reduce America's importation of foreign oil.
This bill will live in the House while simultaneously being dead in the Senate. It will be a legislative Schrodinger's cat killed by the quantum mechanics of the legislative process!
Arbitrary rejection of scientific fact will not cause us to rise from our seats today. But with this bill, pollution levels will rise. Oil imports will rise. Temperatures will rise.
And with that, I yield back the balance of my time. That is, unless a rejection of Einstein's Special Theory of Relativity is somewhere in the chair's amendment pile."
Pretty funny stuff. Well said, sir -- well said.
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