City in Wisconsin Seeks to Outlaw Bicyclists & Pedestrians


Photo: psd via Flickr/CC BY

In what is not an alternative draft of the screenplay for Footloose but an actual news item, a town in Wisconsin has moved to solve its bicycle and pedestrian safety issues by making a simple law: No more walking and biking. It looks like the city of Hull may just become the least green city in the entire world. From the Stevens Point Journal (via Grist):

A town public safety committee, which examined general safety on town roads this summer, came up with a draft ordinance in September that requires biking, running or walking groups to register their travel plans with the town or bans them from using roads outright.

The ordinance is in response to what town officials say is a growing problem with road safety, but local groups are concerned about the impact on biking and running in the town.

Well, desperate times call for desperate measures, right? But, um: "According to data from Portage County's Planning, Zoning and Land Conservation Department, in the past 10 years, the almost 32-square-mile town has had five pedestrian-car crashes, and one bike-car crash. The town hasn't had a crash involving a bike or pedestrian since 2008," the Journal reports.

So why would a town that hasn't had an accident with bikes or pedestrians in three years suddenly seek to eliminate them? One can only assume the town is being run by the modern-day equivalent of the witch from Hansel and Gretel, who is secretly orchestrating a plot to fatten up, and then eat, all of the city's residents. It's quite simply the only explanation.

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