Environmentalists rejoice as Agenda 21 is implemented across North America!

Agenda 21/Screen capture

Environmentalists and TreeHuggers rejoiced today with the joint announcement from Barack Obama of the USA, Stephen Harper of Canada and Enrique Peña Nieto of Mexico announce the agreement to fully implement Agenda 21 throughout the three countries. The multi-trillion Amero project will ensure a greener, healthier, fairer and more equally distributed future for the 99%.

Glenn Beck/Screen capture

Readers may remember that Agenda 21 started in Rio in 1992 and has been spreading 'round the globe ever since, as Treehugger types push the idea of living a low impact life with a small carbon footprint, eliminating greenhouse gas emissions and saving the planet for all species. As one agender put it,

The objective of sustainable development is to integrate economic, social and environmental policies in order to achieve reduced consumption, social equity, and the preservation and restoration of biodiversity.

protecting biodiversity means giving the land back to the animals./Screen capture

In order to preserve that biodiversity and habitat, President Obama has announced the implementation of the wildlife reserve and corridor system across the USA, that will return most of the nation to its natural habitat.

Library of Congress/Public Domain

The Hoover Dam and others on major rivers will be deconstructed so that they can be returned to their natural state. This will cause some problems for cities like Phoenix and others in California that depend on the river's water; the people will have to be relocated as there won't be any water for drinking or lawns.

© Detroit News

Fortunately, there are thousands of empty houses in Detroit and Buffalo and other northern cities that will be made available for occupation by the transplanted Phoenicians, who will be welcomed back, and given jobs on urban farms.

Marxists.org/Public Domain

Since production of fertilizer requires fossil fuels and these contribute to climate change, all farming will be organic and done mainly by hand. This will provide a huge number of jobs for millenials now looking for work; a hundred and fifty years ago 80% of the population of North America worked in agriculture; now it is 3%. This is a great opportunity to put people back to work in productive jobs with lots of fresh air, exercise and sunshine.

marxists.org/Public Domain

To keep the land clear for farming and renaturalization, most people will get to live in dense, exciting cities, in wonderful new prefabricated homes.

© Gizmodo

Apartments produced in the LifeEdited Industries factories will accommodate families of all sizes and incomes; to keep consumption of materials and energy down, space will be rationed to 200 square feet per person, with a maximum unit size of 600 square feet. This will help control population growth, a major source of environmental problems. After all, Agenda 21 style living has been described as:

a future in which people would be forced to live with five others in 20-by-20 living spaces with push-button furniture in high-rises across major cities. The complexes would serve three vegetarian meals a day, feature mosques and have a 24-7 on-call doctor to discuss taking one's own life.

National Endowment for the Humanities/Public Domain

Local food and local shopping will flourish; picking up on the pop-up restaurant and mobile food truck craze, pushcarts will be reintroduced as the greenest way to shop, as vendors set them up right in front of your home! This is so convenient and efficient.

Cornell/Public Domain

Another trend we love at TreeHugger, working from home, will explode as entire families get to spend time together in their apartments, a maker movement writ large. Such a short commute!

via Low Tech Magazine/Public Domain

Water usage is a major problem in cities, so flush toilets will be replaced with composting toilets. A major source of employment will be the collection of night soil, which is then carried by cargo bike to the neighbouring farms to be used as fertilizer.

Back in the World/CC BY 1.0

Of course, the private car will no longer be needed or wanted; it will be hard to find a place for it in the city after the roads are converted to pushcart parking, bike lanes and streetcar rights of way; It won't be needed for weekend getaways as most of the countryside will be returned to its natural state for the animals that were there first and restricted from human taint. But the conversion of our superhighways to bikeways will help people get around fast.

Broad Sustainable Buidings/Promo image

Longer term, all existing housing will have to be replaced with newer, denser, more efficient forms of accommodation; imagine 200 story buildings with 100,000 people in each, with schools, offices and shopping all inside so that nobody has to travel very far. These would be surrounded by farmland providing all the vegan meals that the occupants could ever want (meat has a terrible carbon footprint and has been phased out of our diet).

© The Bike Show

In the end we can all look foward to a glorious world of restored countryside, the green glowing dense city in the distance and the bike superhighways connecting it all. What a vision, all thanks to Agenda 21.

Tags: Agenda 21 | April Fools | Humor

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