Here is a good idea: The Personal Subway Car where you can do all those horrible things in private
April Fools jokes are controversial on TreeHugger; some of us love them and others do not. One, who shall remain nameless, says " Call me a stick in the mud." OK, you are a stick in the mud.
But April Fools jokes can serve a useful purpose. The TTC, Toronto's beleaguered transit system, has developed a bit of a sense of humour recently, and uses April Fools as a way of discussing all those horrible things that people subject their transit-riding neighbours to, including eating buckets of food, throwing their backpacks everywhere (see also the wonderful I hope your bag is comfortable, asshole tumblr), playing loud music and yes, cutting their nails.
They have introduced The Personal Car so that people can do all these obnoxious things. The message: Public transit is a public space, and we all have to get along as best as we can." Amen to that.