Top 10 Answers to the Statement: You Might be a Hypermiler If...
by Eric Leech, New York, NY 
on 12.27.08
Photo credit to Macca
Jeff Foxworthy may have top billing when it comes to the You Might be a Redneck jokes, but today we try our hand at our own brand of You Might be a Hypermiler humor. Be gentle, we're not comedians, just die hard hypermilers with obviously way too much time on our hands...
10.
You actually know what the term, hypermiler, means.
9.
The only time you will speed up on the freeway is to catch up to a diesel truck so you can draft behind them.
8.
Every year, you find your car grows just a little bit longer (and a whole lot weirder) with aerodynamic extended body panels.
7.
You rev your engine next to a muscle car at the light to watch them dump a gallon worth of gas, travel one block, beat you by 30 car lengths, and have you casually pull up next to them at the next light having only used a thimbles worth of gas.
6.
You actually know what it feels like to ride a bicycle in -5 degree F weather, wearing overalls, threes coats, and two pairs of jeans tucked into a heavy pair of galoshes.
5.
When you are pulled over by a police officer and respond to their question of how fast you were driving by saying, So far about 84 miles per gallon, but I'm hoping to hit 90.
4.
The sight of an empty cargo rack on a vehicle makes you cringe.
3.
You remove the knobs on your A/C just to relieve yourself of all temptation.
2.
Someone drives past your car knocking off your driver side mirror, and you chase them down to thank them for improving your aerodynamics.
And the number one reason you might be a hypermiler...
1.
When you've been passed by a Ford Pinto, a VW bus, and an old man in a wheelchair... all in the same day!
Badum Dumb...
Come on, join in if you've got any of your own you'd like to add to the list.
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You might be a hypermiler if: you only carpool with Jockeys and little people lest you increase the weight of your vehicle :)
If, to pull out of the garage, you put it in neutral (with the engine off, of course), get out of the car, walk around the back, and start pulling.
You have a garage? I only have a carport...
How about:
You know you're a hypermiler if you've ever put a pulling harness on your dog and hitched him to the front bumper, fishing pole and beef jerky in hand...
or
You know you're a hypermiler if you've ever spent $400 on a how-to Do-It-Yourself book and kit, $800 in parts, and $1900 in repairs to fix your screwup just so you could try to install a DIY "hydrogen" kit from the Internet to improve your mileage by 1-3%.
or
You know you're a hypermiler if you've ever built a spreadsheet to calculate which route is better: the shorter, more direct one or the longer one that has more downhill "coast-able" driving...
...and you went with the slightly longer route, even though it ads 34 minutes to your weekly commute, because it gains .04% better mileage.
You may be a hypermiler if you ride a bicycle.
Does this count?
Hypermiling is over rated. I followed cleanmpg and gassavers for a year, got major improvements on my gas mileage, and then moved to a place where I didn't need to rely on cars on a daily basis. The next step after spending too much time online reading about fuel efficiency is spending too much time online reading about biking, especially icebiking.
-Andy
"Be gentle, we're not comedians, just die hard hypermilers with obviously way too much time on our hands..."
What? There's some other kind?
Hey some of those power wheelchairs can actually move so being passed by them is not very hard to do if you really are trying for bike speeds in the dead of winter.
Aaron: As for the hydrogen deal, REAL hypermilers don't buy into scams like that.
#7 should actually have the hypermiler NOT revving their engine... and at the next red light STILL being able to pass the muscle car dude since the hypermiler rolled up to the red and had momentum right off the line!
davew has the right idea though. You can only push a car so far. The real solution is to bike.
You might be a hypermiler if:
...while everyone else is gunning it to make the front of the line at the red light, you start tapping the brake to slow down enough to still be in motion for when the light turns green...