On Moving Toward Vegetarianism: Thanksgiving
by Kelly Rossiter, Toronto 
on 11.14.08
Photo credit: Chow, 2007
I went to see the film Rachel Getting Married this week and it made me think a lot about the topic of today's post. We are, of course, products of our families, but tensions can occur when we move away from the professed family ideal. The intensely emotional events that draw the larger family together such as marriages and funerals happen only occasionally, but Thanksgiving with your nearest and dearest comes around every year.
Not conforming to the family ideal can be a massive issue and a real cause of friction in the family. Thanksgiving is based entirely around the concept of harvest and being thankful for the food we eat. If your parents are traditionalists and you have become a vegetarian, not being thankful for the turkey can perhaps seem like a slap in the face to them. If your parents are indifferent or even hostile to your vegetarian choice, it can make for an extremely uncomfortable dinner.
A lot of the points I covered in my post on the social contract can be considered, but dealing with your family is different than dinner with friends or coworkers.
There are a few strategies you can employ to get through the day:
1) If a relative is baiting you, don't rise to it. Some wag once said "Of course your family can push your buttons, they installed them". Chances are the uncle who is goading you is never going to see things from your point of view, and is just trying to get you going, so don't bother arguing with him.
2) Offer to bring a vegetarian main course so that you aren't making extra work for your parents. Make something that is ready to serve and doesn't require precious oven or stove space.
3) Don't cover old ground. Families have a way of endlessly reprising touchy topics. Keep in mind a list of things to talk about that will help you avoid the mobius strip of argument.
This is my daughter Emma paddling us to our Thanksgiving dinner last month.
4) Before the big day, ask the cook to keep unnecessary meat additions out of the side dishes. Really, no one is going to miss bacon bits in the salad.
5) Be open to friendly discussion about your food choices if this is your first Thanksgiving as a vegetarian. Being a vegetarian is a normal, everyday thing for you and if you are matter of fact about it your family will see that it needn't be a big deal.
6) If you've already had the friendly discussion and you don't want to keep having it, it's time to set some limits. Politely point out that there may be other topics more interesting than what you eat.
7) Don't apologize to your family for your food choices, but also recognize that they have the right to their own choices as well.
8) Smile and be thankful.
Here's a very easy recipe that would be welcome on anyone's Thanksgiving table.
Roasted Pumpkin Salad
3 cups of pumpkin (or other winter squash), peeled and cut into 1-inch cubes
extra-virgin olive oil
fine grain sea salt
12 tiny red onions or shallots, peeled (OR 3 medium red onions peeled and quartered)
2 cups cooked wild rice*
1/3 cup sunflower seeds
1/3 cup olive oil
2 tablespoons lemon juice
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 tablespoon honey
2 tablespoons warm water
1/2 cup cilantro, finely chopped
1. Preheat oven to 375. Toss the pumpkin in a generous splash of olive oil along with a couple pinches of salt, and turn out onto a baking sheet. At the same time, toss the onions with a bit of olive oil, sprinkle with salt, and turn out onto a separate baking sheet. Roast both for about 45 minutes, or until squash is brown and caramelized. The same goes for the onions, they should be deeply colored, caramelized, and soft throughout by the time they are done roasting. You'll need to flip both the squash and onion pieces once or twice along the way - so it's not just one side that is browning.
2. In the meantime, make the dressing. With a hand blender or food processor puree the sunflower seeds, olive oil, lemon juice, salt, and honey until creamy. You may need to add a few tablespoons of warm water to thin the dressing a bit. Stir in the cilantro, saving just a bit to garnish the final plate later. Taste and adjust seasonings (or flavors) to your liking - I usually need to add a touch more salt with this dressing.
3. In a large bowl, toss the wild rice with a large dollop of the dressing. Add the onions, gently toss just once or twice. Turn the rice and onions out onto a platter and top with the roasted squash (I'll very gently toss with my hands here to disperse the pumpkin a bit). Finish with another drizzle of dressing and any remaining chopped cilantro.
Serves 4.
* To cook wild rice: Rinse 1 1/2 cups wild rice. In a medium sauce pan bring the rice and 4 1/2 cups salted water to a boil. Reduce to a simmer. Cook for 40 minutes or until rice is tender and splitting open, stirring occasionally. You'll have enough for this recipe and some leftover.
Recipe and photo from 101 Cookbooks
The challenge this week: on the theme of movies, try to find a copy of Albert Brooks' film Mother starring Brooks and Debbie Reynolds. Like Rachel Getting Married this film made me weep, but with laughter. The extremely funny scene of the mother offering to make dinner for her vegetarian son is worth the price of admission.
Related Posts
On Moving Toward Vegetarianism
On Moving Toward Vegetarianism: The Social Contract
On Moving Toward Vegetarianism: Getting the Protein You Need
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Heaven forbid a family should find itself fractured over an issue like vegetarianism. However, if there are those who have trouble coexisting with the others, you might have to practice stratifying the table, that is, vegetarians on one end, carnivores on the other... or setting up two (close but separate) tables.
Also, think about a blessing that is accommodating to all, like: "We are grateful for the bounty at our table, the choices we have available to us, and the time we spend together. May they enrich our minds, bodies, and spirits..."
I can live with other life choces as well as anyone, but I have gone to a vegetarian's home and been served only vegi food. I can understand their choices but expect that you would make some effort to feed you guests food they can eat. I don't really like vegi food and have a hard time even eating a salid. So I guess like the story says bring a main disk with meat.
Has anyone looked at how much methane poultry produces vs. livestock? A turkey may not produce that much. It may be a pretty green alternative to eating a steak.
Actually, I would miss the bacon bits on the salad. I would, however, be just fine having a pile of bacon bits on the side. That way some people could avoid the bacon, and I could eat extra!
@ Don,
If you're invited to dinner at a vegan's house, don't expect meat. Next time you should either bring your own, or (so you are less offensive) eat meat before you get there.
Question. You suggest that vegetarians bring a veggie dish to a non-vegetarian dinner. Well, Don brings up a very good point. How would a vegetarian family view a non-vegetarian bringing a meat dish to dinner? I personally like to eat meat with every dinner, with the rare exception of some pasta dishes. I, as well as Don, can barely stomach salad, and I cannot satisfy my hunger on it. Would it bug you if a friend brought a meat dish? If yes, then would you rather them not come?
Pumpkin Ravioli is incredibly easy and really delicious. I found a recipe easily last year to make it from scratch, but you can buy it pre-made from the store. All it needs is a sage butter sauce (which is butter, lemon juice and sage) and you're done.
i've been veg for more than 15 years, through countless thanksgivings, wedding banquets, company holiday parties, company picnics... you name it. It's my choice to not eat animial flesh. I don't talk about it unless someone asks, then I make a point of not complaining. I bring a granola bar or a protein bar or I just eat before or after. One familly thanksgiving had me reduced to saltines and tea... there was turkey or bacon in everything, even the vegetable-based dishes.
The point of these gatherings is not to get full or to eat your dream meal. The point is to enjoy the company, the conversations, the feeling of coming together. The food is secondary. Thank god no one puts bacon in the pumpkin pie.
For those saying that vegetarians and vegans are being unfair not wanting to serve and/or have people bring meat over to their house... listen. Most true/total vegans and vegetarians have made their choice based on ethiical reasons. As a vegan, I would be just as offended to have someone bring turkey into my home as a Jew would if you brought pork into their home, or a Hindu if you brought beef into their home. Saying "Oh... I can't eat salad! You should cook me/I should bring meat!" isn't the same as being morally opposed to salad! Besides, vegans eat a lot more than just salad! This year, I'm hosting a vegan thanksgiving - my husband and I are the only vegans, but everyone is excited to try something different!
Emily,
Would you be offended if you were invited to dinner and there wasn't a vegi option? If so, you are a hypocrite. Just because you think you are morally right doesn't mean that carnivores are morally wrong. I have tried several vegi dishes and have found some that are good, but I am usually not fully satisfied unless I also eat meat. I would expect some one at your event to be unsatisfied by the lack of meat. They might not comment to you, but they will be eating meat shortly before they get their, or shortly after they leave, even if it's just some beef jerky.
I am not offended at ones choice not to eat meat, but no one should be offended at my choice to eat meat.
Guys, get over the "I need to eat meat at someone else's house" bit. Didn't your mother ever teach you that if you're a guest at someone's house, you politely eat what you're served and don't complain??? What ever happened to basic, common courtesy? If you have a dietary restriction, it is polite to bring your own food if your host cannot accomodate your needs. However, if you just don't like vegetarian food, then don't be a guest and be rude to your hosts by complaining. Vegarians and vegans have a dietary restriction, just as some religious people or diabetics do. But whining to vegetarian hosts that you don't feel full unless you eat meat at every single meal is just plain rude. Eat some beforehand. Most Americans are overweight and eat too much meat anyway. Didn't your mother also tell you to eat your vegetables? Skipping the meat for a meal isn't going to kill you - in fact, it might make you healthier.
My family and I are hosting a vegetarian Thanksgiving this year because I am trying to teach my kids compassion for all living things. We will have an abundant feast of tofurkey, mushroom gravy, traditional stuffing baked in an organic pumpking, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, broccoli casserole, corn, cranberry relish, and homemade vegan pumpkin pie. I think that it will be a feast to satisfy anyone, why do we need a dead turkey in the middle of our table to express gratitude? It isn't even a historically accurate detail. While I would be offended if a family member brought meat because to me it is an animal corpse, I wouldn't be offended at all if they chose to have a seperate celebration if the turkey is that important to them. This is the first Thanksgiving I'll be hosting in the 20 years that I've been vegetarian. I am so excited- it is going to be really eco-friendly.
I am a strict Hindu vegetartian, as is my kitchen and my home. It is also the family home that my brothers and sister grew up in. Whenever we have family gatherings in my home, everyone understands and respects the vegetarian only food, even tho in their own homes my parents eat fish and eggs, and other siblings, children and in-laws eat meat. Everyone seems quite content with the vegetarian offerings here, as the reason we are together is to share in each others company. The food served is secondary to the love we share with each other.
Really people-
I am vegetarian, and have no problem if a friend comes over and brings their own meat. I will not purchase the meat for them. This is for simple ethical reasons. I don't support the slaughter industry by any means. I will not use my consumer power to support it, even if I'm not the one eating it.
This isn't an issue of me being rude or accommodating. I don't eat meat because I believe it is immoral. I don't think that it is universally immoral- it is a personal choice and morals are subjective. So it's your own choice, but I wont be the one providing the animal meat. At a recent family event, all they served was meat- every single thing. I just ate some bread and didnt complain or make a deal out of it... I was a guest and it's not my place to complain.
Oh and all this talk about salad- I HATE SALAD! I never ever eat salad, and I'm vegetarian. That doesn't mean I can't enjoy the rest that the vegetarian diet has to offer- pasta, bread, vegetables, fruits, fake meats, and HOOTCH! ;-)
Happy thanksgiving!
Really people-
I am vegetarian, and have no problem if a friend comes over and brings their own meat. I will not purchase the meat for them. This is for simple ethical reasons. I don't support the slaughter industry by any means. I will not use my consumer power to support it, even if I'm not the one eating it.
This isn't an issue of me being rude or accommodating. I don't eat meat because I believe it is immoral. I don't think that it is universally immoral- it is a personal choice and morals are subjective. So it's your own choice, but I wont be the one providing the animal meat. At a recent family event, all they served was meat- every single thing. I just ate some bread and didnt complain or make a deal out of it... I was a guest and it's not my place to complain.
Oh and all this talk about salad- I HATE SALAD! I never ever eat salad, and I'm vegetarian. That doesn't mean I can't enjoy the rest that the vegetarian diet has to offer- pasta, bread, vegetables, fruits, fake meats, and HOOTCH! ;-)
Happy thanksgiving!
Don, James:
I've been a vegetarian for over 4 years, and I hate salad. In fact, I know a vegan that hates salad. I realize it's pretty near tasteless. That's why you need *good* vegetarian food....ie, not salad. Sweet potatoes, mashed potatoes, beets, green bean casserole, couscous over garlic-fried tofu....oh boy I'm making myself hungry...oh! Stuffing! Don't forget the delicious stuffing. Stuffing could be a meal in itself. mmmm
Anyway, the difference between a meat-eater bringing meat to a veggie dinner and a veggie bringing veggies to a normal dinner is that, well, eating meat doesn't restrict your diet at all. Being vegetarian limits it somewhat, and being vegan limits it a lot. People that eat meat also eat vegetables so who cares if there's no meat? Vegans do not also eat meat, so they would end up with jack squat to eat...well...they could drink water...but that's about it.
My vegetarianism started when my mom's family's meat consumption dropped enough that I could hop in and claim vegetarianism without causing too much of a ruckus. Of course there will be turkey and ham at dinner, but my mom's pretty good about making lots of veggies. This year, I'll be transporting vegan butter and vegan sour cream for 8 hours by train. My mom's fine with my request that she use those for cooking Thanksgiving dinner since she knows that my non-dairy thing is a legitimate health concern. She's been lactose intolerant longer than I've been alive, and she knows that giving me any amount of dairy sour cream is like giving her a glass of milk.
No, the issue will be my dad's girlfriend's cooking. Last year I ate mashed potatoes and buttered rolls. The butter in the buttered rolls puts them out of the question this time though. Maybe dessert will be edible. I can still eat apple pie...I think. Maybe I should get my mom to send the vegetarian holiday cookbook to my dad.
OK, seriously, I really am hungry now. I'm going to have to eat a plum before bed.
Geez, again with the "veggie Thanksgiving"! We hear this stuff every dang year. Like vegetarians need special help on that special day. Like they are going to go hungry if they skip the turkey, and are limited to eating pumpkin pie and yams and potatoes and vegetables and more vegetables and cranberry sauce and apple pie and bread... enough already, it just isn't news.
Thanksgiving is a harvest celebration, it isn't about eating turkey.
I really get a grin out of the people who, upon hearing I have been a vegetarian for 20 years, ask me, "Oh MY! What do you eat for Thanksgiving then?!"
C'mon. Take a look at your plate on Thanksgiving. What's on there? Turkey. Okay, that's meat. Maybe some stuffing that has meat in it. Then there's "everything else". Potatoes. Yams. Green bean casserole. Squash. Cranberry sauce/jelly. Salad. Corn. Fresh rolls. Pumpkin pie. None of these traditional dishes have meat in them.
So my answer to those people who ask what I eat on Thanksgiving is "everything else!"
I have been eating vegetarian Thanksgiving meals for 20 years and have yet to leave the table hungry! When we go to others' homes, we typically bring vegetarian sage gravy (oh, yum!) and a vegetarian pot pie for our main entree. By the time dinner is over, our contributions are always completely eaten with little-to-no leftovers.
When my kids were young, we finally broke down and bought a stuffed turkey. You know, a plush teddy bear-type stuffed animal. "Tom" sits in the middle table so we ALWAYS have turkey for dinner on Thanksgiving! LOL :D
Enjoy your holiday and give thanks for what you have. That is, afterall, what it is all about.
I think this is a great and really relevant article for any vegetarian.
Thanks!
Nice article.
And just as nice a graphic ... I love the 'Norman Rockwell Thanksgiving' updated for our century! :)
Bradley