Unscrupulous Coal Baron Wanted for Immediate Hire


Image: Screenshot, Craigslist

You may have heard that the infamous CEO of Massey Energy, Don Blankenship -- who presided over the company during the worst mining accident in decades and racked up a list of safety violations so long it would impress BP -- is going into retirement. So the question is, who's going to step up and take his place? Who's going to ignore droves of safety regulations and health codes? Who's going to assault journalists who get in his way? Who's going to carry the torch for mountaintop removal mining? To entice would-be villainous coal magnates to the position, somebody posted this ingenious Craigslist ad -- full text is below:

Massey Energy Seeks CEO

Date: 2010-12-06, 5:37PM EST
Reply to: job-a32nw-2098801382@craigslist.org

Massey Energy seeks a new Chief Executive Officer to carry on its important work destroying the environment and jeopardizing the health and safety of its employees. This position will oversee all Massey Energy operations (but don't worry - stringent or really any oversight is not a corporate priority).

Key responsibilities:
-Ducking responsibility for grave accidents and enthusiastically (and with a straight face) shifting the blame to government agencies created to prevent such incidents.
-Denying climate change, hating the environment and hating anyone who might enjoy the environment.
-Trading campaign cash for congressional favor.
-Threatening members of the media.
-Personally persuading workers to abandon union organizing.

Other qualities of a successful candidate:
-Inattention to detail.
-A really, really, really short fuse.
-Love of vacationing with judicial and political figures responsible for decisions/rulings regarding Massey.
-Ability to whine in high stress work environments, despite media criticism.
-General flagrant disregard for miner safety a plus.

Outside of the purview of the position:
-Addressing safety violations (The Upper Big Branch mine has been cited for 1,342 safety violations since 2005 - whatevs.)
-Reporting accidents (Massey Energy did not report more than 20 accidents at the explosive mine for two years before the explosion.)

Must be comfortable in office dress code, camouflage.

Salary is $17.8 million, the highest in the coal industry, and can be expected to double from one calendar year to the next. Bonuses frequently awarded for absolutely no reason at all.

This is a full time permanent position and will not be eliminated like other Massey Energy jobs as the company increases reliance on mountaintop removal coal mining, which in addition to destroying West Virginian's livelihoods and communities, has the added benefit of destroying mountains, valleys and waterways.

(For more information about the coal industry visit http://www.sierraclub.org/coal/.)

Compensation: $17.8 million + bonuses
Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
Please, no phone calls about this job!
Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

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The original ad appears to have been taken down -- perhaps someone didn't find it as funny as we did.

More on the Massey Mine Disaster and Don Blankenship
Massey CEO Don Blankenship's Long History of Ignoring Mining Safety
Banks Saying No To King Coal, Massey Energy
Massey Energy Shareholders: Fire Don Blankenship

Tags: Coal | Humor | United States

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