An Appropriately Profane Response to the Impending Irreversibility of Global Warming

Upon receiving the latest bad climate news from scientists, I composed a post that attempts to do justice to the severity of the situation. In other words, stop reading now if you are offended by four-letter words, or by news that the world as we know it is quite likely to end in a handful of decades.


Not that this is a surprise or anything. But scientists now say the planet is getting close to the point of being so fucked by climate change that nothing we do will be able to unfuck it. If greenhouse gas emissions continue at the current rate, we're on course for a global jump of six degrees Celsius by the end of the century. Which is, like, fuck.

That's the only valid response, really, to this, more news that it is now all but certain that climate change will plow onward; a fucking fossil-fuel-powered steamroller. A steamroller that fucking flattens poor people first, that gives the shitbags who unleashed it time enough to build up their goddamn moats.

Good news, though: If you help them dig it out, they just might let you stay on the dry side. Grab a fucking shovel.

Here is Reuters, politely reporting the worst fucking news that you've heard a hundred times already but never adequately absorbed. I mean, fuck: "As emissions grow, scientists say the world is close to reaching thresholds beyond which the effects on the global climate will be irreversible, such as the melting of polar ice sheets and loss of rainforests." (My goddamn emphasis.)

One climatologist, Will Steffen, executive director of the Australian National University's climate change institute, told the wire agency that "This is the critical decade. If we don't get the curves turned around this decade we will cross those lines." Oh fuck, fuck me, we're all fucked, he probably added, internally, or out loud in his hotel room that night.

And fictional Steffen is swearing for the reason we should all be swearing, and for the reason that climate scientists probably stare unblinking into the gloomy glow of the evening news, listening as another presidential candidate calls climate change a hoax, as another policy effort to curb emissions is defeated. As the United States obstructs yet another international treaty. ohfuckohfuckohfuckohfuckohfuck. Fuck. This.

Do these people think we have time? 350 ppm, 370, 388, 390, 391...

What's the magic number? Which one will it be, when the feedback loops kick in? Four hundred-fifty—goodbye permafrost? When the tundra melts and spews out methane that traps even more heat and melts more tundra, and holy hell what does that planet look like then? Do you have any idea how that world works? I fucking don't! When there's no fucking Arctic ice in the summer? When Tuvalu is underwater? When Bangladesh is uninhabitable from constant flooding? Kenya a permanent desert?

Millions and millions and millions of fucking homeless, displaced, thirsty people?

Seriously. Fuuuuck.

Tags: Glaciers | Global Climate Change | Global Warming Causes | Global Warming Effects | Global Warming Science

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